There's a reason why the past is behind you.......

I fear the older I get (or maybe the older my kids get) the more I would like for things to level out and slow down a bit.  It's not that I don't REALLY love the present times in which I abide, it's just that I occasionally look around at my current life and fail to recognize all the markers of the here and now.  The very things that felt so absolute in the past seem to have changed the most. 

The past, somehow, feels more secure than the present and far less daunting than the future.  In other words, I ain't afraid of the past.  I've been there and done that and have the t-shirt to prove it.  It's the nagging uncertainties of now, and all my tomorrows yet to be, that send me off in search of the creature comforts of the past.  And being a helpless romantic doesn't bode well for embracing a carpe diem attitude either, for I far too often allow myself the luxury of remembering only what I want to, and in terms which are most comfortable for my present delight.

There are people, I've heard, for whom the past holds the gloomy shadows of fear and sadness, but my past - in contrast - is filled with bright happy moments, the "firsts of a lifetime" kind of existence.  Life, for me, is filled with such joys as falling in love with my "forever girl", getting married to my "forever girl", buying my first house, securing my first teaching position, becoming a father, becoming a father yet again...........etc.  But my mind sometimes lingers and strays in moments like the time Jami, Lauren, Matthew and I backed my truck up into a clearing, filled the bed with blankets and quilts and hunkered down together to watch the slow advance of a lunar eclipse - while sipping hot chocolate to drive away the chilly night air.  I can still remember the feeling of little (and not so little) feet wiggling against my legs as my family snuggled around the warmth and protection of my embrace.

Then, there was the time when all of us sat in a pair of adirondack chairs on the deck in front of the beach house.  It was the middle of the night and a field of stars blanketed the heavens above with a spectacular display of crystal brilliance.  We "named" stars that evening for each of the children.  Even to this day, there are times when they can be heard to say, "Hey look, there's my star!" and "Oh, I can see mine too!"  Yes friends, there are times when I really long for the good old days.

And the saddest part of all is the realization that there is not a single road or path that will take me back to those times - those wonderful moments of yesterday.  It's like driving in Atlanta - you simply have to do your best to go with the flow. 

But, alas, I am not alone in such longings - longings for the past.  Read the first verses of Psalm 121 and you'll feel the same longing, the same desire for the past, the same remorse over not being able to return the splendor of what once was.  I will lift up my eyes unto the hills; from whence cometh my help?  My help cometh from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.  The so-called "Songs of Degrees," of which this psalm is one, are usually, and with great probability, attributed to the times of the Exile.  If that be so, we get an appropriate background and setting for the expressions and emotions of this psalm.  We see the exile, wearied with the monotony of the long-stretching, flat plains of Babylonia, summoning up before his mind the distant hills where his home was.  We see him wondering how he will be able ever to reach that place where his desires are set; and we see him settling down, in hopeful assurance that his effort is not in vain, since his help comes from the Lord.  "I will lift up my eyes unto the hills"; away out yonder westwards, across the sands, lie the lofty summits of my fatherland that draws me to itself.  Then comes a turn of thought, most natural to a mind passionately yearning after a great hope, the very greatness of which makes it hard to keep constant.  For the second clause of text must litterally be taken as a question: "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills. From whence cometh my help?"  How am I to get there?  And then comes the final turn of thought: "My help cometh from the Lord, who made heaven and earth."

So then, there are three things here—the look of longing, the question of weakness, the assurance of faith.  It's the assurance of faith that drove the psalmist onward.  It's the assurance of faith which drives us onward as well, that plucks us from the "land of remembrance" and renews our march towards the things which are eternal. 

It was the Greek philosopher Heraclitus of Ephesus who said, "You can never step into the same river twice; for new waters are always flowing on to you" or "The only thing which is permanent in life is change."  And "sadhappily" (sadhappy - pronounced SUHDAPPY - a coined phrase of my daughter Lauren to describe those moments in life which are both sad and happy), that's a very good thing.  Why?  Because we serve a living Savior - a Savior who is MOST interested in what we are doing with the gift of NOW.  Jesus Christ said, "I am the great I am."  He did not say that "I am the great I WAS or the great I WILL BE, for God is actively guiding and directing, delighting in our willingness to love and serve Him now - RIGHT NOW!!!

Yes, I TRULY miss those quiet, "at home" moments with my daughter Lauren (who is away at college) who once could find tremendous comfort in her stanky blanky.  Yes, there are times when I miss the simplicity of my son Matthew's childhood where a stuffed Pooh bear and a thumb could OBLIDERATE the sadness of his little world.  But my children are not tokens of the past, but gifts of the present.  It's in the present, too, that they are being equipped to do the AWESOME work of the Lord.  God is growing their faith, their need for Him, and their PRESENT desire to be soldiers of the cross. 

And as soldiers of the cross, we too must press forward just as Jesus did.  He could have turned back to Bethlehem and escaped the anguish of the cross which loomed ahead, but He marched straightforward to Jeruselem - while never looking back or seeking a return.

So keep reading Psalm 121 and you'll know the ENTIRE context of this passage - not just my extrapolated "segment of truth" I have fished out to appease my personal sentiments   I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help?  My help cometh from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.  He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: He that keepeth thee will not slumber.  Behold, He that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.  The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.  The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.  The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: He shall preserve thy soul.  The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.

I must needs go home by the way of the cross,
There’s no other way but this;
I shall ne’er get sight of the gates of light,
If the way of the cross I miss.

I must needs go on in the blood sprinkled way,
The path that the Savior trod,
If I ever climb to the heights sublime,
Where the soul is at home with God.

Then I bid farewell to the way of the world,
To walk in it never more;
For the Lord says, “Come,” and I seek my home,
Where He waits at the open door.

The way of the cross leads home,
The way of the cross leads home,
It is sweet to know as I onward go,
The way of the cross leads home.

Therefore, I shall continue to press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

Selah (סֶלָה )